SHED MY TEARS FOR YOU VALENTINES

By : Zo Khanthang 

As I sat there in the class room, I stared at the girl on the front corner. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her always, watching her magical smile and her blinking eyes was the best and gave me a happiest heart. As days past, I become addicted to her and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After school and may be most of the time, she walked with me and usually asked me for the notes she had missed in the class and I always handed them to her,this was my best day of my life, having a crush and after all she was my best friend. 

One day, I got an idea and that was....to tell her that i am in love- I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy to expressed what I hide inside-the feeling about her and I don't know why? 

One day, I made up my mind and I plan to work it out. On the other end, it was her, my best friend, will she believed me or will she dump me or can we carry on that friendship which binds us together even after-if she reject me was my biggest question in my head, which i cannot answer,she was my bestfriend, and i dont want to loose her, I love her and my idea can bring me no good if she get disappointing or even dump me was what I am afraid off.I was in question, even feel guilty on and on about how I love her-which I had no courage to tell her how I feel. Sometimes she asked me to go some place along with her because she didn't want to be alone, so I did and as that custom become our everyday life, people, friends and near one though we are two love birds flying free. 

Weeks after weeks and month after month, I lost my sense or a feeling of begging her love, instead, I said to myself, who dare take her away from me, she was mine,mine alone.One fine day after school, as we walk along to reach our home, she looked at me and said "thanks" for the friendship, what more do you from me? At that moment, I want to tell her that for letter words-LOVE- I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why-I have no word but gave her just a smile. 

January cold winter had gone, February first week was good as I had most major times with her but there come the day, the day they called valentines. Before that night,she send me a text message of something puzzle about valentines day special which I had to choose for her and i choose "friends forever" instead of "ur valentines" because valentines day mean nothing worthy for me.On the next day in college, I saw her chatting with my classmates and she seems like she forget our routine which we usually did during the long break. I was dump-founded as it was my first time sitting alone during the long break, but I said-let it be. 

At the end of the day, I wait her in the college entrance gate but she never come, that was what for the second time I witness how it hurt getting lonely. 

At night. 

I went to meet her and to take my note which she took it the day before valentines day, when i met her, she smile, smile and smile and I wonder what she is all about and ask her, she said; she's doing well today and have a date with her boyfriend, I'm shock and speechless, and probably getting fierce, after a few second, I ask her who he was and she tells blah blah blah.. I was annoyed, went home totally dump-founded but it was what I did, that i made the choice before but i felt so sorry for my wrong choice. 

Days pass, time pass, but I cannot compromise with myself-for the choice I make-now I began to hate her and try to avoid her, but I canit coz she want our friendship so much and she meant it. From the moment we begin to bind our friendship, we made a promise that if neither of us had boyfriend/girlfriend and even after marriage, we must-still be"best friends". So we have to and I try-I though everything was over and I cried, shed my tears, for I want her to be mine but not anymore and I know it I'm helpless.. 

After a month. 

I regain my sense and began to accept the possibility in what I have experience, I began to talk to them as friends which both of them anyway accept it coz they both were my mates.On day she said "I had the best time with you- thanks! "though you left me, but you never did. 

Graduation Day  

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I still watched like she floated like an angel in the sky inside my heart..Before everyone went home, she came to me with the tears her eyes, she cried and I hold her and ask why? Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best "thanks". but I found out that my boyfriend was in love with another guy-then she cried again.Then I wipe her tears-never mind, I am your best friend-I will never leave you coz I promise you "FRIENDS FOREVER"-lovers may come and go but friendship stay..then she look at me and smile.. 

©Siamsinna leh Vakiangbu